Finlay John Acton

FINLAY John ACTON our beautiful firstborn Son was sadly born sleeping at 11.26 PM on Friday 27th
October 2006. He weighed a massive 10lb 3oz and was 23 inches long! He was 40wks + 11 days. Sadly we
will never know why our baby was made an Angel. He was perfectly formed and looked just like I did
as a baby, but much bigger! They say it may have been diabetes but it never showed in me during my
pregnancy and it will never be confirmed. Also the placenta was way too small, just enough to
support a 7lb baby; then how did he grow to be so big in there?? Answers to these questions will
never be known and this only adds to our heartbreak.

Finlay, you mean so much to us that words can never describe. You are the light of our life and will
always be our beautiful number 1 Son.

We miss you every day and wish so much that we could turn back time and have you delivered safely
into our arms. But sadly this will never be.

Please see below for our full story. Finlay can also be found at www.myspace.com/finlayacton

Finlay Forever

The moment we first learnt of you we loved you straight away
We named you and prepared your room and waited for the day
Then came the news that you were gone; our lives were stripped of joy
No worse could ever be the day we lost our baby boy

They placed you in my trembling arms, so scared was I to see
The baby I had grown inside who’d never get to breathe
I felt just like a mum that day with you so close to me
But then they had to take you away and I was left to grieve

We never got to see you move, we never heard you cry
We never got to say hello, so hard to say goodbye
We’ve asked ourselves a thousand times “why did our baby die?”
But we can’t control what life will bring or know the reasons why

There’s nothing that I wouldn’t do to give you life my Son
I feel so sad and helpless that your death can’t be undone
There’s not a waking moment when we don’t think of you
And laying you to rest today is the hardest thing to do

Although we never saw you smile or look into our eyes
We know there is a star that’s you to brighten up the skies
So remember that we love you, that in us you will go on
Embedded in our memories, our beautiful baby son.

Written by Jill, Finlay's Mummy November 2006 and Read at his Funeral by Auntie Louise

Our Story
Finlay was our first baby. I’m 27 and have been engaged to Brad for 5 years and we felt ready for
a baby so when we found out, we were both over the moon. The pregnancy went without drama the whole
way through and I had no morning sickness whatsoever.

I was 4 days overdue the last time I heard his heartbeat and my midwife assured me he was healthy.
At 7 days overdue I started to feel a bit sick and I got a really sharp headache in the evening. The
next day I slept the whole day and just felt so tired. I didn’t feel the baby move that night and
just thought it was because he was a big baby (around 8lb 8oz I was told) and he was getting ready
to come. I slept most of the next day and began to wonder why he wasn’t moving but that night in
the bath I had a big downwards movement so I thought all was OK. The next day was the same as before
and again I just thought he had slowed down and may have been moving when I was sleeping. By
Thursday I got quite concerned and asked my sister in-law to take me to the hospital that evening
just to get it checked out. That was the night my world ended.

They couldn’t find a heartbeat and sent me straight for a scan. There were three ladies in the
room and they were quiet for what seemed like ages. All of a sudden the sonographer grabbed my hand
and said “Jill I’m so sorry but your baby has died”. One of the other nurses grabbed my free
hand and the other one grabbed my ankle and all I could say was “I don’t understand, everything
was fine on Friday”. They showed me the screen to show me where his heart should have been
beating. I didn’t want to see but I knew if I didn’t look I would have doubted what they were
saying. I asked if it was a boy or a girl but they said they couldn’t see. They checked my
previous scan pictures but still did not know the sex of my baby.

After the scan one of the nurses walked me back to the room where my sister-in-law waited. I was
completely silent and when I saw her I just shook my head and she grabbed me and I cried my eyes
out. The nurse asked me if I wanted her to notify Brad. I said yes and she asked me what I wanted
her to tell him. She said she could just call him and ask him to come straight to the hospital. I
said “no you can’t do that. He needs to know why he is coming here or he will be excited
thinking I have gone into labour”. Louise my sister-in-law said she would speak to him because I
just couldn’t do it. Brad was working in London at the time and was on the train home when he got
the call. After about 15 minutes I went off the ward for some fresh air and called Brad myself. He
was at a station waiting to change trains and said that when he heard my voice he collapsed to the
floor. Luckily he had a friend with him who he was working with to look after him. I then called my
mum and told her “my baby’s died” I had to repeat myself because she didn’t believe me.

While I was waiting for my Mum and Brad to arrive at the hospital the Consultant Doctor came to see
me with the midwife to tell me that I would have to deliver the baby the next morning. I asked if I
could have a cesarean section but they told me it was not an option as it was too risky and not for
the safety of the babies life. I was outraged and couldn’t believe they were going to force me to
give birth to my dead baby. They said I had carried this baby for 9 months and must see it to its
natural end by giving birth. Mum and Brad arrived and were also very upset that I would have to go
through this. They asked me if I wanted to stay overnight but I just needed to go home and see the
baby’s room and to be alone with Brad.

I went to bed at about 10.00pm and woke thinking it was morning. I saw the time was only midnight
and I was distraught as I felt I would keep waking up with that sinking feeling over and over until
the morning came. Then I felt terribly guilty that I had fallen asleep in the first place. What the
hell was I doing sleeping at a time like that?! I was finding it harder to deal with because I
didn’t know the babies sex and felt I didn’t know who to grieve for. I called my Mum and spoke
with her until 2.00am and then got some rest in preparation for what was to come. The worst day of
my life.

Brad’s brother picked us up to take us to the hospital. Brad wanted all his family and friends
there for support and at the time I was unsure if I wanted them there but I needed him to be OK and
so I agreed. It turned out to be the best decision I ever made. I was induced at about 11.30am and
went into labour at about 4.00pm. My Mum, Dad and Brad were in the room with me the whole time. It
was a very difficult labour as the head was half out and I stopped contracting. It was extremely
painful and they gave me drugs to start the contractions again. I was so tired that I shut right
down and Brad and my Dad thought I was going to die. I knew I was OK but I didn’t have any energy
to open my eyes or talk. There was shoulder dystocia at delivery and it took 4 midwifes to get him
out. At this point I didn’t know the sex of our baby but felt it would be a boy. Brad had always
hoped it would be.

Finlay John Acton was born sleeping at 11.26pm weighing 10lb 3oz. We didn’t see him straight away.
The doctor who delivered him said she thought that upon sight he looked as though he may have had
diabetes because he was so big. She thought initially he was about 11 or 12lb. one of the other
midwives said she found the placenta to be very small.

Brad came and cuddled me and I said “you got your little boy”. Brad went outside to tell all the
family. I obviously wasn’t there at this time but family and friends say that he came out and said
“it’s a boy” and then fell to the floor. Everyone rushed to him on the floor and held him all
at once.

The midwife dressed Finlay in clothes we had brought from home and brought him in to see us. My Mum
had looked at him at delivery and said he looks fine but a little bloated. The midwives also told us
that his skin may be peeled as he had died at least 24 hours before. He wasn’t bloated just very
big!

I looked at my son and held him in my arms. He was so heavy and had so much hair. I put my little
finger in his mouth to see if he had teeth!! I smelled his skin and he smelled just like a baby
should. His skin was a bit peeled and he looked so sore. I felt an overwhelming sense of guilt at
the way he looked. If only I got checked out sooner he wouldn’t have looked so sore. We spent one
hour with him and all the family came to meet him. For this I am eternally grateful.

We stayed at the hospital in a special room called the forget-me-not suite. The next morning we had
Finlay blessed by a Chaplin and my best friends came to see him. Brad felt he didn’t want to hold
him again but I asked him if I could just pass him to his Daddy one last time and put him in his
Moses basket instead of giving him back to the Midwife. Brad did this and gave him a big kiss. I
think he is pleased that he did. My parents showed up with Brad’s parents and we toasted our son
with a glass of champagne.

Later that night we went home where all my family were waiting for us. The worst thing was that my
big sister was in Spain and hadn’t got to see him before we had to send him away for his
post-mortem. She was absolutely distraught about this so when he came back earlier than we expected,
My Mum called the hospital to see if Finlay looked OK still and they said yes he looked pretty much
the same. I called my sister who was back from holiday and she came immediately so we could see him
at the hospital. We didn’t hold him again because the midwife said he felt different and I
didn’t want to ruin my memories of how he felt in my arms. I held his hand and gave him loads of
kisses. We also took more photos of him. My sister was so pleased she got the chance to meet him.

Finlay’s funeral was a really special day. So many people attended and his Uncle Darren let off a
white dove at his graveside. Instead of dirt we all placed teddies and flowers into his grave. There
were so many flowers and his casket looked like a toy box all painted with the moon and stars on.

The post-mortem results came back inconclusive which has been hard to deal with. It points towards
diabetes but because I showed no sign of this in pregnancy it may not have been the cause. Also the
placenta had begun to break down but how was he so big? Answers to these questions we will never
know. All I know is there us nothing we wouldn’t do to change what’s happened. We miss him so
much everyday and wish with all our hearts that we had been given the chance to be his Mummy &
Daddy until he grew to have his own babies. This will never happen and it is a bitter pill to
swallow. Nothing had prepared me for how much I would love my son.

We think about the future and about having more children. These discussions are filled with feelings
of guilt, loss, anger and pain but also of hope. Hope that one day we may get the chance to prove
ourselves as the parents we had prepared to be. I know one day this will happen and we will love our
next baby completely, but that will always be tinged with the sadness we feel at the loss of our
beautiful baby son. Our number one. Finlay forever.